Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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