your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
