Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
