i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
