glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
