You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
