A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
