it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
