You smell like stripper and shame
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry about my life...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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