I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
