Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
