She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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