she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think my tv is drunk
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize