i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
