I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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