I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
