Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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