He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
