Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
