I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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