He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
