Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
