I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
