I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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