i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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