i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
