He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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