i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
