Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What did we do last night that was yellow?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
