i just wanna soil my oats bro
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
