Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were trust falling into bushes
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
