Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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