Just cropdusted the office
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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