Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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