My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
