Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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