is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
