There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
