I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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