dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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