youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
