you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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