is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
