Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
