wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
