sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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