he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
