I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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