roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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