I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
