The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
