I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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