you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
