Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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