So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
