His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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