youre lurking in front of me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
