I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
