i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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