Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
