In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
