Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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