I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
