What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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