just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
