i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
