based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Farmville is her only friend.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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