Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
